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Check out USELESS ADVICE FROM USELESS MEN this week where you can get advice from the male point of view.

Dance Dance to Give SPAM the Boot

ArsTechnica has a story about a sweet new way to interact with your computer that comes out of Microsofts's research labs. Instead of using your crap ass mouse or janky keyboard, you can make email dance to your own beat with a DDR pad. Spam, gets deleted with a sweet jump move so you burn calories while taking out your frustration on that "PENUS IN-LARGE HOME MORGAUGE".

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Check out Rob in China this week for tales of travel in China.

Just Ideas Has Moved!

I've moved Just Ideas over to BlogCharm so that I can get paid to blog. The blog is being promoted using Blogexplosion and Blogmad. For more information click the links or leave a comment. I look forward to hearing from you on the new blog!

Stern Suit: Coincidence or Conspiracy?

Howard Stern has been sued by CBS Radio over promoting Sirius Satalite Radio during his last year on the air. As a long time fan and avid listener, I know that any talk of Sirius while Howard was with CBS radio was approved by top CBS management and that anything they didn't want on the air could have been dumped as easily as the word 'anal'. The case should be a slam dunk for Howard since CBS should be estopped from trying to collect damages. I find it interesting that the dismal ratings for Howard's replacements, Adam Corolla and David Lee Roth, just came out and now we see this lawsuit. Is this mere coincidence or is CBS Radio trying to make up for all the lost revenue?

Good Idea: Great Cell Reception Indoors

It's always been annoying that a device that (usually) works so well inside, can suck on toast when you bring inside. I read an article from Tom's Hardware about an upcoming family of products that finally lets you use your phone in the location where man has been trying to spend more time in thousands of years --- inside. The product from SignalWide is essentially a glorified repeater. It takes the crap signal you'd usually be getting from your carrier and amplifies it so your phone can get more than one bar. The product also works in reverse, which lets your phone throttle down its output power and lets the battery last longer. Pricing isn't available yet, so I'm sure that will determine how helpful SignalWide will be with more people ditching their landlines.

Environmental Speed

I never thought that a sports car could be economical, but the Lotus Elise proves it's possible. It gets 22 mpg city and 29 mpg on the highway so you won't feel too bad passing all those Prius Assholes as you go 0 to 60mph in under 5 seconds. All for a very cheap (sports car) price of $42,990. I now have something to work for...so back to work.

It Feels Sooo Good to Help Others

I recently found out how good it can feel to help out others in need. A couple months ago a lovely piece of jail bait knocked on my door. She was selling magazines so that she could get something to improve her life...blah blah blah. When I saw that I could get a two year subscription to Penthouse for only $30, I knew I had to help. The 4 to 8 weeks of waiting is over, and now, every time I look some shaved beaver, I know I did something to help someone, and it feels great!

It's Fucking Ret@#$ed

Censorship of radio lyrics has gone to fucking ret@#$ed lengths recently. First up we have the Black Eyed Peas with their hit song "Let's Get Retarded." You may have never heard about this song because the censored radio friendly version is "Lets Get It Started". The lyrics of the original song even state:

In this context, there's no disrespect

So changing the name of the song is in fact ret@#$ed. Another example of stupidity replacing policy is Eminem's latest song "Shake That". I now present to you an unedited sample of the lyrics:

Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
.........................
He said he wants a slut, hope you don't mind
I told him how you like it from behind

Now the edited version:

Some girls they act r--
Some girls are bout it bout it
.........................
He said he wants a ---, hope you don't mind
I told him how you like it from behind

Doggy Style okay as long as it isn't with a slut, but they can't say ret@#$ed! That's fucking insane! That's why I'm done with testicle radio and sticking to Sirius!

I've Got Bros in Different Country Codes

We all know that it's not cheating if you're dipping your meat plunger into another muff tuft as long as you're in another area code. A lesser known, but related rule, concerns country codes. If you tongue kiss and take a tea bag from a man while in another country, you're technically still straight in your home port. Bon Voyage!

'F' Bike Holes

You've seen these jag heads with their oversized kids toys. They pedal along with traffic pretending to be like the rest of the big boys on the road, but what they don't realize is that they are about 100 Cliff Bars short of being able to go fast enough and a couple of digits shy of the required IQ to get the hell off the road. Thanks for saving the planet you marble bagged wonders, but 'F' you Bike Holes.

'F' Small Town Drivers

I live in a pretty small town. Technically it's a city, but if you don't have a place for poor people to shop (Food4Less or WalMart) then you're just a town. I've learned that when driving around this crap-berg, the only thing that matters is distance. No "faster, but longer" route exists as it does in a real city. Oh there are parts where you might think you could go faster, but that's when you get behind a local toad-cock that has nothing better to do than go 10 miles below the speed limit before taking the widest god damned right-turn possible, without leaving city limits. And don't think that just because you are on one of the 3 two-laned mega-highways in town that you'll be able to escape. That's when you'll get behind two like-minded douche-enthusiasts that will race to see who can come to a stop the slowest at a green light. So when you are selecting the exit to take in analville U.S.A. just go for the shortest distance because either way it will take you 45 minutes to go that last mile. 'F' you Small Town Driver! It's the one on the Left! Now Go!

'F' Holiday Parking Enforcement

While traveling for the Holidays, I decided to visit my old school where I spent my time as an undergrad. I wandered around and checked out all the new construction. I like watching other people work so I took my time. When I finally returned to my car, I saw a yellow envelope and a red piece of paper under my windshield wiper blade. Apparently I hadn't given enough to the Alumni Foundation that year so they decided to take a little extra by giving me a parking ticket. I was honestly one of two cars in the parking lot. The campus was completely empty. Why can't they let these golf-cart jockeys they have for meter-maids get some time off and let me have some free parking. Instead I was reminded about why I was so glad to get out of there in the first place. 'F' Holiday Parking Enforcement!

"'F' This" Series: 'F' Merry Christmas

The Holidays are finally over, so that means a lot of built up psychotic rage at the mundane parts of life that make me want to start punching throats. So enjoy my anger or go 'F' yourself. And for the record, they were the "Holidays". Last time I checked the Calendar, Christmas and New Year's are both Holidays and they are within a week of each other. Now I could refer to them both by name, but I've got shit to do. Is it so wrong to cut the Jews some slack during the time of year when the Christians have such a sweeter holiday? You just can't compare oil lasting a long time to the bloody crucifixion of the the son of God and his resurrection as Santa Claus. That's sweet!

So here's to Happy Holidays and 'F' those not-so-Merry Christians.

Creepiest Holiday Toy Ever

Happy Chanukkah from a Denny's Claw Machine!